Difference
by Lils
Summary: Mimi just started working at the Cat Scratch Club. She leaves work one night when someone calls her something she never expected.
1. Chapter 1

_Disclaimer:_ Not mine.

_Difference_

"I'm not a whore. I'm not a whore," Mimi kept repeating to herself again and again as she walked down the dark, empty streets, hoping that they would sound true if she said it long enough.

She had only been working for this job for two weeks. The other girls had told her what to expect. Rude guys. Drunk idiots. Men waving money at her. She had been prepared for that. She had been expecting that. Nothing like that had ever surprised her. But what he called her had left her in complete shock. It was something she hadn't been prepared for. Nobody warned her about it. And she was certainly not expecting anyone to call her _that_.

The words had shocked her as soon as she heard them. She wondered why they had surprised her as much as they did. She had been leaving the club when she saw one of the customers who had been there all night. His had been glued to her for a good portion of the night. She stopped walking as soon as she caught sight of him. She instinctively knew he was waiting for her, and she felt a mixture of flattery and fear.

Only, the flattery vanished as quickly as it came, leaving only fear. The terror and knowledge increased with every step he took towards her. She knew what he was doing. She looked around for a way out. But the only way to leave would take her right by him.

She took a chance, and tried to run. But his arm caught her and threw her down. The side of her face collided with the hard, cold cement. A warm trickle of blood mingled with tears slowly seeped down her cheek. She barely had time to register the words that he yelled at her. But they hurt more than any other injury he could possibly give her.

"You stupid whore!" he spit out.

The words cut deeply into her like a knife. She tightly closed her eyes, hoping that it would all be over soon. She waited for him to say something else, to do something else. She focused on the pain in her head, hoping that it would numb all other senses of feeling.

"Are you okay?" someone asked. Someone different. It wasn't the same man as before. Not the same one who had tried to hurt her. His voice was nicer, more gentle. She opened her eyes, and saw a blond-haired man holding out his hand to help her off the ground. She noticed a woman, presumably his girlfriend, standing nearby, awkwardly holding a guitar case and a small bag of something. She couldn't see the other man anywhere.

"He's gone?" she asked somewhat frightened. She was afraid he still might be lurking nearby.

"Yeah, I kicked his ass, and he ran out of here as fast as he could," he said with a proud smile on his face. "You sure you're okay?"

"Yeah, it was just some things that he said," she mumbled gratefully.

"Things he said? You're bleeding," he stated.

"I know," she said feeling a little stupid. The words he said had hurt her more than anything else. But how was she supposed to explain that to a random stranger?

"You're sure you're okay?" he asked looking genuinely concerned.

"Yes, I just want to go home," she answered.

"Do you need someone to go with you? And are you sure you don't want to go to a hospital? That cut looks really bad," he asked. Mimi nodded her head in response, but he still seemed reluctant to leave her alone. He eyed the cut on her head, as she vaguely wondered how bad it was.

"Roger! She's fine! Let's go," the other woman shouted at him.

"I'm fine," Mimi told him before he could protest anymore. She appreciated his concern, but it was making her feel slightly uncomfortable. Roger stared at Mimi for a minute before turning to leave with his girlfriend.

"Thank you," Mimi whispered as she watched Roger take the guitar case back from his girlfriend and walked away. She instantly regretted her decision. She wished that she had allowed Roger to take her to a hospital or walk her back to her apartment.

She didn't want to be alone. If she was alone, it meant that there wasn't anything to distract her. She had time to think now. She had time to focus on what the man had called her. It was something she didn't want to think about.

She knew her job wasn't the most respectable job in the world. She knew how others viewed her. But to call her something like a whore. She had always seen a subtle difference between the two jobs. It was subtle, but it was there. Stripper did not equate prostitute. It didn't mean whore.

There was a big difference between a whore and stripper. A whore would give it away to anyone she saw as long as they paid. It was part of their job. But a stripper, a stripper didn't have to do that. A stripper could pick and choose. A stripper didn't even have to have sex if she didn't want to. A whore did. And so she kept repeating the words to affirm her place as a stripper, not a whore.

"I'm not a whore," Mimi started to speak the words out loud as she started walking home. She repeated them over and over again, hoping that they would sound true as soon as they hit the air.


	2. Chapter 2

I'm back! With another chapter of _Difference _due to a demand for another chapter and an idea that I couldn't let go of. So for everyone who asked for another chapter, here it is.

Disclaimer: I don't own Rent. I really wish I could make wittier disclaimers, but unfortunately I cannot.

_Chapter 2_

"Hold still," Angel commanded gently as she placed a bandage over the fresh cut on the side of Mimi's face. Mimi had suddenly found her feet fascinating. She stared down at them from the bathroom counter where she was sitting. She couldn't bring herself to look Angel in the face.

"Thanks," Mimi murmured gratefully. She felt a tear fall slowly down the side of her cheek as she brought a finger up to the cut. More tears followed as she remembered the events of the past few hours.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Angel asked as she threw the blood soaked towels in the wastebasket. Mimi cringed at the sight. She always felt uneasy whenever she saw blood, especially her own. The cut had been much deeper than she thought it had been.

"Not much to talk about. I fell," Mimi lied, looking at the top of Angel's head. She knew she wouldn't be able to lie to Angel if she looked at her in the eyes. Angel could tell anyway.

"Mimi."

"Will there be a scar?" Mimi asked suddenly, partially out of a desire to change the topic and the simple desire to know. A scar would be proof. Proof of what he had tried to do to her. A constant reminder. All she wanted to do was forget about what had just happened, but she would never be able to forget with a scar there.

"I don't know, Mimi. Maybe. It's a pretty nasty cut. If a doctor looked at it…"

"No!" Mimi replied a little harsher than she had intended to reply. She couldn't. There was no way. She couldn't see a doctor. No. Seeing a doctor would only make the whole situation worse. Mimi caught sight of the hurt look on Angel's face and felt her heart sink.

"No, I can't afford that," Mimi amended softly with an apologetic voice. The statement wasn't entirely false. She had some money on her, and a little more saved up. But she couldn't afford to go and see a doctor. Plus a doctor would make her answer questions. A doctor would get the police involved. A doctor meant she would have to relive the entire night – each painful and humiliating act – to a complete stranger. It was something Mimi knew she couldn't do. She couldn't bring herself to tell her best friend what had just happened. How was she supposed to tell her best friend? She couldn't tell Angel. She couldn't tell a doctor. She couldn't tell anyone.

"Mimi, we both know that you didn't fall," Angel confronted her, concerned for her friend and curious to know what had really happened to her.

"I did fall," Mimi lied desperately. She couldn't admit what had really happened. Admitting it made it true. It would make what he said true. And she wasn't. She knew she wasn't. She hoped she wasn't. Not a whore. Not a whore. Not a whore. The words repeated rapidly in her head. Until she said them out loud again.

"Not a whore. Not a whore," she whispered softly to herself. Her eyes were stinging with tears now. She could see the scene from earlier now appear in her head. She felt ashamed and turned her head away from Angel. It was still there. She closed her eyes hoping that it would go away.

"Mimi," Angel said concernedly as she grabbed her wrists and pulling her back so she could see her face. "What happened?"

"Nothing," Mimi shouted pulling her wrists away from Angel and sliding off of the countertop. Angel stepped back in shock. Mimi's harsh words earlier were nothing compared to what she had just screamed.

"Nothing happened," she half shouted, half sobbed as she ran out the door. Tears unendingly poured down the side of her face. She didn't stop. She couldn't stop. She wanted to get as far away from there as she possibly could. She kept running until she felt her legs collapse beneath her. She didn't even make an effort to move. She knew she couldn't do it anymore.

She didn't know if hours or seconds passed. She just laid there, as the words ran through her head continually, occasionally making their way from her head and out of her mouth. She said them faster and faster, not allowing her mind to think anything else, but those words.

Mimi felt her body tense as she saw a new figure approaching. A man. She felt a small jolt of fear resonate throughout her body. She knew nothing good could come out of this. She knew that she should be running as fast as she could in the opposite direction. But her body felt as though it had been glued to the ground. Nothing could have moved her at that moment.

"What's wrong with you?" the man asked casually. Mimi could tell he didn't really care. She liked the indifference. It somehow made it easier for her to find her voice and speak.

"I just want to forget," she whispered so softly that it was barely audible. She wanted to forget about what he'd said. She wanted to forget about what he'd tried to do. She wanted to forget about the way she yelled at Angel after all she had done to help her. She wanted to forget about the way she stormed out. She wanted to forget about everything.

"I might be able to help," he responded as he pulled a small bag out of his pocket filled with a fine, white powder. Mimi stared at the bag he was holding for a second, unsure what to do. She had never touched anything like that before. Would it really help her forget what had happened? Anything that could help her forget couldn't be harmful.

"How much?"


	3. Chapter 3

_Author's Note:_ I'm probably going to bump the rating up for this story though, since it goes kind of in detail about drug use in this chapter. Thanks for all of the reviews. And a quick note about the story, Mimi and Angel are roommates right now. It's not in the movie or musical, I just made it up because it works well for me that way. They don't know the rest of the gang _yet_. Some of them will show up soon (hopefully). So, that was a much longer author's note than I had originally intended.

Disclaimer: I don't own Rent, sadly.

_Chapter 3_

Mimi stared at the back of the man who had just left her with a needle and bag of fine, white powder as he walked off. She tore her eyes off of him for half of a second to try and take in her surroundings. The bitter wind stung her skin as she wrapped the thin coat closely around her body. She vaguely recognized the dim lights of the nearby stores and apartment buildings, although she couldn't remember how she had gotten there or how to get back to her apartment. There was a faint police siren going off from somewhere behind her.

She looked down at the needle and powder that she had just been given. She hastily shoved them into her right pocket and ran off quickly to a deserted alley. She clumsily fumbled with the needle and powder until she felt the tip of the needle prick her skin.

She winced slightly, when she was younger, she had always been intensely afraid of shots and needles. And now she was willingly injecting herself, she smiled slightly at the irony before letting out a small frown. It didn't seem to be working. She felt a rush race through her. She felt a sudden urge to throw up and a feeling as if all of the air had gone – a drowning sensation almost – which both vanished almost as quickly as they had come.

"It worked," Mimi murmured quietly to herself. In some twisted sense it had worked. The nausea, the sensation that she was drowning, it had all caused her to forget. For a moment, she had temporarily forgotten about all of the other things that had been on her mind, but the memories came rushing back as quickly as they had left.

"No," Mimi moaned as she remembered everything that had happened earlier that night. She was unsure whether to try it again or leave the needle and bag in the alley and just head back home. She looked desperately up at the black sky, as if expecting the answers to be written in the stars. She looked back down at the needle that she was holding. She fumbled with it once more, injecting herself again. She didn't feel very different than she had a second ago. At least she didn't feel like throwing up this time. Then she felt a sudden lift.

Everything changed. Mimi suddenly stepped into a state of euphoria. It was unlike anything Mimi had ever experience before. Her skin felt warmer, her mouth had gone dry. Had she been worried about something earlier? She couldn't remember. It was working now. She knew it was. All of her cares were gone. She stumbled out of the dark alley, not even bothering to hide the needle or powder as the tops poked out of her coat pocket.

She clumsily and drowsily made her way back to her loft. Not caring when she made a wrong turn or ended up somewhere completely unfamiliar to her. She felt a sense of drowsiness start to overtake her. She looked at the benches in a nearby park. She suddenly knew why homeless people slept on them. They looked so comfortable to her now.

Mimi walked slowly over to one of the empty benches and collapsed on it. Her feet spilled over the edge of the bench. It was shorter than she would have liked, but it was fine. She didn't want to navigate her way back to the loft. She shut her eyes for a second before she heard a voice calling out her name.

"Mimi!" a voice shouted. Mimi lifted her head up off of the bench to see her friend, Angel, looking frantic and scared. Angel quickly pulled Mimi off of the bench and enveloped her in a tight hug.

"Mimi, girl," Angel continued quickly, looking so relieved to have finally found Mimi. "I have been so worried about you. Why are you sleeping on a park bench? What happened to you? Are you okay? I've been looking for you for ever since you left!"

"I'm fine," Mimi said with a little smile on her face as a yawn escaped her. "Better than fine. Best ever."

"Mimi, are you sure you're okay?" Angel asked, looking unconvinced at Mimi's protests that she fine.

"And tired too, Angel," Mimi added, ignoring what her friend had just asked her. "I'm tired."

"Mimi?" Angel asked looking at her with a mixture of concern and suspicion. Mimi nodded her head fervently and laid her head on Angel's shoulder.

"Sleepy," she muttered closing her eyes again.

"Come on, Mimi. Let's get you out of here," Angel said as she gently lifted Mimi's head off of her shoulders.

"'Kay," Mimi agreed letting Angel lead her back to the loft that they shared. They started to make their way back to the loft when Mimi heard a soft thud. She quickly thrust her hand into her pocket. They weren't there anymore. Not the needle, not the bag of white powder.

"Wait!" she said frantically, quickly turning back to where she had been lying down. "I dropped it!"

Mimi frantically sank down to her knees and began searching for her needle and powder.

"Oh, Mimi," Angel said as her eyes caught hold of a spilled bag of white powder and a needle not too far in front of Mimi.

"Please, tell me those aren't yours," Angel said, taking in the scene around her. The look in Angel's eyes made it clear that she suddenly knew where Mimi had been for the past few hours and why she was acting so strange.

"I thought you were smarter than that, Mimi," Angel said softly looking sadly at her friend who had not appeared to hear anything that Angel had just said.

Mimi was too busy. She desperately grasped the needle and the bag, careful not to let anymore powder spill out of it. However, Angel quickly grabbed them both from her, causing the bag to rip. Mimi's head drooped as her eyes carefully followed the white powder as it hit the ground. Mimi suddenly snapped her head up as the last fleck of powder hit the ground.

"Why did you do that?" she demanded as she looked angrily at Angel.

"This is some serious shit, Mimi," Angel pleaded with her friend. "It could really mess you up."

"I'm fine," Mimi echoed what she had said earlier.

"Mimi, this could develop into something serious if you keep doing this shit," Angel said as she tossed the needle and remaining contents of the bag into the nearest trash can.

"This was my first time," Mimi defended herself as her eyes lingered on the nearby garbage can.

"Good," Angel said, looking slightly relieved. She even allowed a small trace of a smile on her face. "Let's keep it that way, Mimi."

Mimi nodded complacently for a second, not even listening to what her friend had just told her. She stopped abruptly and began to shake her head.

"No," she said backing away slowly from Angel. "No."

And with those final words, Mimi quickly turned and ran off, leaving Angel alone for the second time that night.

* * *

I'm not quite as pleased with this chapter as I am with the other ones, but it'll do. Your reactions on it would be great. If it's better or worse than the others. Ways to improve. Either way, it'd be fantastic. 


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: I'm fighting with myself, whether to make this an entirely AU story, and just totally change all of the events of _Rent_ around. Or to leave it as I originally planned and have it just lead up to the beginning of _Rent_.

Disclaimer: I don't own _Rent_.

Chapter 4

Mimi stared lifelessly out of the window. Angel came out of her room and shut the door. Mimi didn't move. She continued to stare out of the window with dead eyes. She could see the Cat Scratch Club from here. She could see the alley behind it too. Her still eyes closed as a brief look of pain flashed across them. She opened them; the pain reflected in them was gone. They had returned to the haunting look they previously possessed.

"How are you feeling?"

Mimi merely shrugged, not saying anything in response.

"Have you been staring out that window all day?"

Mimi nodded silently.

"Do you have to work tonight?"

Mimi nodded again.

"Are you going?"

She shook her head. She didn't want to go back there right now. She couldn't bring herself to go back to that place. She couldn't dance for all those people, especially if he might be there. She couldn't dance for him. Regrets flooded her mind. All the things she should have done rushed through her mind. _I should've left the club earlier. I should've fought back. I should've run. I should've done something!_

"Mimi, this is ridiculous. Why don't you just tell me what happened?" Angel asked desperately, annoyance and concern pervaded her voice.

Mimi felt bad for leaving her friend out in the dark like this. But she couldn't bring herself to talk about it. It was too hard. It was too painful. She was too ashamed. She was ashamed of what had happened. She was ashamed of what she had almost let happen. She was ashamed of what had happened afterwards. She was ashamed of everything.

Mimi turned her head towards her best friend. She lowered her head towards the ground and closed her eyes tightly.

"I can't talk about it, Angel. I just want to forget… I'm sorry," Mimi apologized sincerely.

"Mimi talking about it can help," Angel replied. "I can help, Mimi. You just need to talk to me. Say something."

Mimi looked into Angel's eyes. They were uneasy with concern for her friend. Angel wanted so badly just to help. Mimi dropped Angel's gaze.

"I don't deserve help. I let it happen," she whispered too softly for Angel to hear.

"Mimi, what's going on?" Angel asked. Her voice was full of desperation.

"No. I don't. I let it happen. It's all my fault. My fault," Mimi muttered, barely paying attention to what her friend was saying.

"I don't know what happened exactly, Mimi. But I know whatever it was, it wasn't your fault," Angel comforted her.

"No. No, it was my fault," Mimi argued.

"What was your fault?"

Mimi didn't say anything. She twisted her body away from Angel, so she wouldn't have to look at her. A tear silently leaked out of the corner of her eye. She choked back a sob. She regained what little composure she had and refused to tell Angel anything. She couldn't tell her anything. She couldn't.

"Talk to me about it, Mimi. I promise it'll make you feel better."

"No, I don't want to talk about it. Not now! Not ever!" Mimi yelled. She couldn't see Angel's face, but she could tell by the shaky pattern of her breathing that her friend was now crying because of her. Mimi took a deep breath. She wanted to desperately turn to Angel and tell her everything that had happened. She wanted to tell her how much she appreciated her presence. She wanted to apologize for the way she had behaved. She wanted Angel to encase her in her arms and rock her to sleep like a small child. But she couldn't bring herself to do any of it.

The sound of Angel's crying mixed with her own sobbing. Angel stopped first. She reached out and placed a comforting hand on Mimi's shoulder. Mimi twitched slightly, but did not pull out of Angel's reach.

"Mimi, I want to help you. I really do. But I can't help you if you don't want to help yourself."

Angel quickly pulled her hand away. She heard the door close behind her. Mimi turned her head and stared at the door for a few seconds, wondering whether or not to follow her friend. She shifted her body and stood up. She reached the door in a matter of seconds. She grabbed her thin coat and was gone.

Mimi rushed out into the cold streets. The wind blew her hair in every direction as she turned her head, looking for some sign of her friend. But she had no such luck. Mimi looked in each direction. She sighed and headed towards her right, keeping her eyes peeled for Angel. Her mind wandered in a thousand different directions. She thought of what she was going to say to Angel when she found her. She thought of how she would apologize to her. She thought of how she would try and tell Angel everything that she had been through. She would try to let Angel help her if Angel was still willing to help her. She hoped she would let Angel help. She needed it. She knew it. It was just so hard to talk about it.

Mimi had become so preoccupied with her thoughts that she hadn't noticed the man standing right in front of her. They collided. Mimi fell to the ground. The cement tore the skin of her elbow. Blood spread across it. She flinched at the sight, remembering the last time she had bled.

"I am so sorry," he apologized as stretched out a hand to help her up. His other arm was wrapped around an old video camera.

"It's fine," she responded automatically. She wanted to continue her search for her friend.

"No. No, it's not. Look at you, you're bleeding," he continued, gesturing towards her arm. He seemed to be sincerely sorry the collision that had just occurred.

"It's okay, don't worry about it. I'm fine," she answered with a small smile on her face. She appreciated his genuine concern for her well-being. She winced as she stretched her arm out in an attempt to prove her point.

"I can bandage that up for you," he offered.

"It's fine," she replied. She didn't want to waste very much time.

"I'd feel a lot better if you let me. I live right over here. Please, let me help," he asked. Mimi straightened up at his words. She remembered the other offer to help her that night. She looked at his genuinely worried face. Her small smile grew slightly.

"Okay," she answered.

"Okay, then. I'm Mark," he introduced himself and stuck out his hand for Mimi to shake. She accepted his hand as he led her to a nearby building.

"Mimi."

A/N: I had the hardest time deciding whether to make Mark or Benny enter in this chapter. But I decided that a slightly lighter tone might be nice and Mark's character helps accomplish it more than Benny's does right now. I hate asking for reviews. I really do. But I'd really like to know what everyone thinks. It seems like the response for this story is decreasing with every chapter I write. I find it very discouraging. So, basically, I want to know what I'm doing wrong. What I could do better. I'd like to continue this story, and I will, but if there's something I can do to improve it. Please let me know.


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